Realizing something was wrong

When Henry and I were smaller, he started behaving more impulsive and hyperactive, and soon they visited a professional. And clearly, he had from ADHD. That night, I could hear mommy cry as I lay down in my bed, though I didn’t understand it. I understand it now, because I’ve seen other people deal with it since then and most of them do the same. It is sad how its tearing down a family, learning that you child is sick. People feel responsible for not magically fixing something that they did not know about and that cannot be fixed. I imagine all illnesses bring that feeling of helplessness. Just like any mother, my mom grieved for not doing something, for bringing this upon her child. It’s usual by parents to feel guilty, and as far as I’ve seen it happen for two reasons: DNA and parenting skills. My mom experienced the second as she thought she had done something wrong that made Henry that way. But that’s not true, ADHD isn’t caused by a bad parent, perhaps by a bad environment, but not bad parenting skills. My mom know this now, and does not cry herself to sleep, but I know that some does, so I want everyone to know that they’re not alone and that they’re not the cause.

DNA is another thing though, because it’s actually true. ADHD do run in the genes, and is inheritable. I recall reading a child with ADHD is four times as likely to have a relative with that disorder compared to someone who has not. It’s not a definite gene, it’s just a statistical factory, and other factors are probably just as important, but it still enough. As far as I’ve understood the genetic compound of children with ADHD changes something in their brain that differs them from the rest of us. A new research article I read spoke of the amygdala, the part in the brain were the short term memory is located, causing the short attention span and alike seen in ADHD patients. However it works, its connected to the genetic makeup, which doesn’t really makes it easy. That part of the guilt is understandable, knowing your genes might actually have caused you child’s disorder. According to me though, they aren’t guilty so It only makes sense that they should put their energy in to helping their child and find a life for themselves in the mess. Because, ultimately, feeling better is not about forgetting that you feel guilty, it’s about accepting it and living with it. My mother still knows it might be the genetics she passed on that brought this on, but she has accepted it and sees beyond the curse. Like me, she chosen to see the beauty, chosen to se Henry in spite of the ADHD, chosen to love him for who he is.